You Suck: A Love Story Chapter 21~22

Chapter Twenty- unriv al aceedLadies and Gentlemen, Presenting the DisappointmentsHe was the best one-handed free-th lyric shooter in the verbalise Area, and that Christmas night he had fair weatherk sixty-four in a row in his driveway hoop, shooting the brand-new leather Spauldingb whole his dad had left(a)field under(a) the tree for him. Sixty-seven in a row, with issue ever pose down or spilling his beer. His record was seventy-two, and he would rush broken it, had he not been dragged take into the bushes to be slaughtered.Jeff Murray was not the smartest of the Animals, nor the most sound-born, scarce when it came to blow potential, he was the hands-down winner. Jeff had been a star power forward with his sopho more, junior, and senior years in exalted school, and he had been send bump offered a full-boat annoy to Cal, Berkeley in that lo blareion had even been talk of his going pro after a couple of years in college, but Jeff had decided to impress his ambl e date by showing her he had enough vertical derail to clear a moving car.It was a minor misjudgment, and he would have cle atomic number 18d the car had he not drunk most of a case of beer originally the attempt, and had the cars height not been eight inches enhanced by the lax bar on the roof. The light bar undecomposed caught Jeffs left sneaker, and tho aboutrsaulted him four times in the air in the lead he get up refine in a James Brown split on the tarmac. He was fairly sure that his knee wasnt supposed to bend that way, and a team of doctors would later agree. Hed wear a brace forever and hed never play competitive basketball again. Although he was a smokin one-handed H.O.R.S.E. player, and he force have even been a champion if it werent for that slaughtered-in-the-bushes thing.He the deal wells ofd the new leather ball, and he knew he shouldnt be using it on the asphalt, and especially this late at night, when the sound of his dribbling might disturb his neighbors .He lived in a store apartment in Cow Hollow, and the blurriness was blowing in damp streams up his passage, make the basketball sound nonsocial and ominous, so no one complained. It was Christmas if all or so poor darn had was nigh hoops, accordingly youd have to be a special as mannikinment of contless to claver the cops on him. A car dismal at the end of the street colored halogens swept through the fog a equivalent sabers, accordingly went forbidden. Jeff squinted into the fog, but couldnt make extinct what kind of car it was, however(prenominal) that it had stopped a couple of doors down and it was a dark color.He kneaded to take his record-breaking shot, but distracted, he put a miniscule too much thornspin on the ball and it jumped out of the hoop. He ran it down at the junipers by the store, but was only able to bung it, so that it went into the bushes. He set his beer down on the driveway and went in after it, and well, you spangFrancis Evelyn S troud answered the sound on the second ring, as she ceaselessly did, as it was proper to do.Hello.Hi, mommy, Its Jody. Merry Christmas.And to you, darling. Youre calling rather late.I know, mommy. I was going to call earlier, but had a thing. I was a thing, Jody thought.A thing? Of course. Did you get the package I sent? It would be big-ticket(prenominal) and lie withly inappropriate, a cashmere business suit, or something in a houndstooth or a herringbone, something worn only by womanly academics or matronly spies with stout poison-dart shoes. And obtain Stroud would have sent it to the octogenarian address. Yes, I got it. Its lovely. I cant wait to wear it.I sent a leather-bound set of the complete works of Wallace Stegner, Mother Stroud said.Fuck Jody kicked at Tommy for fashioning her call. He skipped out of range, waving a scolding finger at her.Of course. Stegner, the Stanford paragon. Mother was one of the first coeds to graduate from Stanford and she never missed an opportunity to point out that Jody hadnt gone(a) t present(predicate). Jodys father had also gone to Stanford. She was born to Stanford, and yet she had disgrace them by going to San Francisco State, and not finishing. Yeah, those will be great, too. I extrapolate they fair havent caught up with me yet.Youve travel again? Mrs. Stroud had lived in the same tolerate in Carmel for thirty years. Carpet and draperies never survived more than two years, but shed been in the same endure.Yeah, we needed a diminished more space. Tommys works at home now.We? Then youre still with that writer male child?Mom said writer like it was a fungus.Jody scribbled on a Post-it at the counter Note Break Tommys arms off. Beat him with them.Yes. Im still with Tommy. Hes been nominative for a Fulbright. So, did you have a nice Christmas?It was fine. Your sister brought that man.Her husband, Bob, you mean? Mother Stroud did not care for men since Jodys father had left her for a jr. woman.Well, whate ver his name is.Its Bob, Mom. He went to school with us. Youve known him since he was nine.Well, I had a smoked turkey delivered, and a lovely foie-gras-and-wild-mushroom appetizer.You had Christmas catered?Of course.Of course. Of course. Of course. It would never travel by to her that by having Christmas dinner catered, she was making other people work on Christmas. Well, I put my present in the mail, Mom. Id better go. Tommys universe honored at a dinner tonight because of his massive intellect.On Christmas?Oh, what the fuck. Hes Jewish.She could hear the intake of breath on the other end of the phone. This is the light version, Mom, call up how scandalized you be if I told you he was dead and that I killed him.You didnt tell me that. positive(predicate) I did. You must be losing details. Gotta go, Mom. I gotta help Tommy get his penis piercing in before the dinner. Bye. She hung up.Tommy had been dancing naked in strawman of her for most of the phone call. When she hung up he stopped. Did I mention that I worry about your ethical equilibrium?Said the guy who was just playing buff the scrotum with my red scarf spot I was making the merry Christmas call to my breed?Admit it. Youre a little turned on.Dr. move Drew McComber, the Ohm-budsman, the resident pharmacist and medical adviser to the Animals, was timid of the dark. The fear had crept up on him, like a hash brownie, and coldcocked him with an unavoidable paranoia after four years on the night crew at the Marina Sa a few(prenominal)ay. Thing was, he awoke in the evening, to the pervasive grow lights in his garage apartment in the Marina, then drove four blocks under the streetlights to the brilliantly lit Safeway, then got off work in the morning when the sun was well off the horizon, to return to his grow-lit apartment, to sleep with a satin mask in place. He encountered darkness so infrequently that it acquiremed like a minacious stranger when he did.On Christmas night, round midnight, Drew sat among a jungle of fiver-foot-tall pot plants in his living room, wearing sun water icees and observation a movie on cable about the special human relationship mingled with the peeress of an English manor and her chimney sweep. (Because of his work schedule, and the uninterrupted demand to deposit wasted, Drew found it difficult to keep a young womanfriend. Until the Animals found Blue, his sex life had been a largely solitary affair, and (sigh) evidently had become so once again.) Each time the chimney sweeps jet-black hand smacked the powdered bottom of the lady of the manor, Drew grieved a little that dusky handprint on alabaster flank falling like a shadow on his erotic soul. thither was arousal, but no joy. wistful and lonely wood did tent his hemp-fiber cargo pants.Then, as if scripted by Erecto, the Generously Endowed Pizza Delivery God of Improbable Trysts, there was a knock at Drews door. Rather than answer the door directly, Drew adjusted himself and ambled t hrough the ganja forest to a small film screen in his kitchenette a video peephole. Hed installed it in the days before his doctor had spendn him the prescription that made him a quasilegal medical marihuana grower (patient complains that reality harshes his mellow prescribe 2 grams cannabis either three hours by inhalation, ingestion, or suppository).Sure enough, as if he had called in an order, the video screen break of supply a pale but pretty flaxen standing on his doorstep in a conservative blue cocktail dress and heels. She might have just come from a caller or a dinner out her hair was pinned up with piffling blue bows. She might have shown up to audition for the role of the lady of the manor.Drew keyed the intercom. Hi. Are you sure you have the right house?I deal so, said the girl. Im breasting for Drew. She smiled into the camera. Perfect teeth.Jeez, Drew said, then realizing that he had said it allowed, he cleared his throat and said, Ill be right there.He s l et outthed his erection down, pushed his hair behind his ears, and in five long strides he was through the forest and at the front door. At the last second he remembered the sunglasses, pushed them up on his mentality, smiled broadly, and threw open the door, evacuant a wide beam of ultraviolet light into the night fog.The pretty blonde dropped her smile, then screamed as she burst into flames and leapt out of the light. Drew ran out into the dark to save her.Chapter Twenty-twoBeing the Chronicles of Abby NormalPathetic Nosferatu NoobsicleWell, eject for the murder, Christmas was like a slow drag everywhere broken glass I now truly know the ennui of passing eternity in total boredom eating and hurling to-furky all day, stuck with Ronnie and Mom until like six, when Jared came everyplace. His father has a fresh family with little crumb-snatcher stepsisters, so they like forget about him as soon as the squealing and presents come out of the closet in the morning. He played out the whole day rewatching The nightmare in front Christmas disc in his room and smoking cloves. His room is exclusively inviolable since he told his rents that he couldnt guarantee that he wouldnt be masturbating to gay lampblack if anyone came in. (Hes so lucky sometimes I could stand on my steer and flick the bean right there at the dinner mesa and my mom would be all, Honey, Christmas is family time, we should be together and make me finish in front of everyone.)So, we like watched The Nightmare Before Christmas disc with Mom and Ronnie until they dangle asleep on the couch then Jared and I drew some really cool tribal tattoos on Ronnies shaved base on balls with invocation Marker, but only like in red and black, so they look real.Then he was all, We should go get some coffee my aunt gave me a light speed-dollar Starbucks gift card for Christmas.And I hate it when people ball up about their Christmas presents, because its completely shallow and materialistic. So, I wa s all, Yeah, well, Id love to, but I am now one of the chosen, so I have duties.And he was all, No way, youre Jewish?And I was all, No, I am nosferatu.And he was all, You are not.And I was all, Remember that sexylicious guy from Walgreens. It was him. Well, actually its the Countess who brought me into the sacred circle of sanguinity.And he was all, You didnt even call me?Im sorry, Jared, but you are of an inferior species now.So he goes, I know, I totally suck.And I know hes going to go all tragico-emo on me. So I say, Buy me a Mochaccino and Ill reveal to you our dark ways and stuff.We leave a note saying that Jared has impregnated me and were zip off together to join a satanic cult, so my mother wont panic when she wakes up, because shes totalitarian about leaving notes. Then we head to the SOMA. simply apparently, the entire fucking country shuts down on Christmas, slammed under the heavy iron fist of the baby Jesus, so out of nine Starbucks we try, all are closed.And Jared is all, Take me to meet them. I demand to be in the dark fold, too.And I was all, No way, loser, your hair is totally flat. Which it was. He only had the one spike in front, and his sculpting gel had like failed hours ago, so in his PVC raincoat, he kinda looked like a black grace coatrack like you see in Chinatown, but that wasnt why I couldnt take him to see the Countess and my Dark Lord. I just couldnt. I knew the Countess would demon out if she saw I was exploiting her exquisite gift to show off for a friend, so I was all, Its very secret. But Jared started to pout and inhabit at the same time, which he can totally pull off because he practices, so I started to feel like a odorous soupon of mashed assholes, as Lautramont so aptly put it. (Shut up, Lily says it sounds more romantic in French.)So I let him come, but I told him he had to say outside across the street. But when we came around the boxwood of the Dark Lords block, there was a guy in a xanthous tracksuit standing in the middle of the street. Just standing there, with his hood up and his head down, looking like he was going to stand there forever. And he turned really slow in our direction.Jared was all, Wanksta rappa, in my ear, and he giggled that high-pitched little-girl giggle he does sometimes thats like violence catnip to other guys. (Which is why Jared has to carry a foot-long double-edged dagger in his boot, which he calls his Wolf-fang. Fortunately it doesnt give him any false confidence and he is still a total puss, but he likes the attention he gets when doormen take it away from him at clubs.)Anyway, I think my vampyre senses were, like, on edge, because I could just tell that this wasnt your normal hip-hop guy standing in the middle of a deserted street in a three-hundred-dollar tracksuit at midnight on Christmas night, so I grabbed Jareds arm and pulled him back around the corner.And Im all, Dude. Shields up. Creep. Stealth. lowest profile.So we peek around the corner, totally cloaked this time, and the tracksuit guy is like over by the door of the loft, and individual is access out. Its the crusty old drunk guy with the massive shaved cat, and he has his unit out, like hes going to take a leak, which I could have gone some other sixteen years without seeing. And Tracksuit grabs him like hes a rag doll and pulls his head back by the hair, and bites him on the neck. And when he does, I can see that its not a hip-hop guy at all, but some crusty white vampyre, his fangs were like visible from space. So the huge cat guy is thrashing and screaming and spraying whiz all over the place and I can hear the huge cat hiss behind the door, and Jared grabs me by my messenger bag and starts pulling me away, down the street. So thats all I saw.And Jared was all, Whoa.And I was all, Yeah.And as soon as we got a few blocks away, I pulled out my cell and called the Countesss cell, but it went right to congressman mail. So now were at a special midnight showing of Th e Nightmare Before Christmas at the Metreon, drinking a huge Diet century to calm our nerves while we wait for a return call from my vampyre coven. (Jared forgot his inhaler and has been gasping since we saw the attack. Its so embarrassing. People are like looking, and Ive moved a couple of seats over so they wont think Im well-favored him a hand job or something.) I am totally overcome with dread and foreboding, and the time passes like a seeping transmission on a bad eyebrow piercing. So we wait. I wish we had some pot. More later.Oh yeah, and Mom got me a green Care turn out for Christmas I totally love it.Youre sure this is where you left it? Jody was looking up and down the Embarcadero. There were no people out on the street the performers and hustlers were long gone. She could hear the Bay Bridge humming in the distance, a foghorn started to low over in Alameda. A BART get hold of burped out of a tunnel onto the street a block away, headed toward the ballpark, empty. A p olice cruiser turning out of Market Street strafed them with its headlights before heading past the Ferry Building toward Fishermans Wharf. Tommy waved to the cops.Yeah. I was right here and my watch went off. He weighed a ton. It would have taken a crew of guys to move him.Jody saw something shining on the bricks near her feet and crouched down to butt on the source. Metal filings of some sort. She licked her finger and came up with a finis of yellowish metallic particles on her fingertip. Unless someone press it up.Who would do that? Who would cut a statue up and steal the pieces?Doesnt matter. Maybe thieves, maybe city workers. If someone cut that bronze shell, one of two things happened. If it was daytime, Elijah fried out here in the sun. If it was dark, hes free.It wasnt light, was it?Jody shook her head. Im guessing no. She saw a light pattern among the bricks a few steps away and crouched down again. There was a fine, grayish powder between the bricks. She pinched some b etween her fingers and shook her head. For sure no.What? What is that?She brushed her finger off on her jeans and dug into her jacket pocket. Tommy, remember I told you that you didnt drink the whore run dry because she wouldnt have been there if you had?Yeah.Well, thats because when a lamia drains someone when we drain someone, they turn to a fine gray powder. I cant explain why, but it looks like that. Feels like that. She pointed to the mortar lines between the bricks.Tommy knelt down and touched the powder, looked up. How do you know that?You know how I know that?Youve killed people.She shrugged. Just a couple. And they were sick. Terminal. They were asking for it, sort of.So thats why you werent upset about the hooker?She pulled her cell phone out of her jacket pocket, then held it behind her back and twisted back and forth looking at her feet, like a little girl universe interrogated about how Mommys lamp got broken. Are you mad?Im a little spoil. very? Im really sorry. Y ou would have done the same thing if youd been there.Im just disappointed that you didnt feel that you could trust me.You were having a hard time with your change. I didnt want to bother you.But it wasnt sexual or anything, right?Absolutely not. purely nutritional. She didnt think it necessary to tell him about kissing the old man. It would just confuse things.Well, I guess its hunky-dory, then. I guess if you had to.He stood and she ran to him and kissed him. I cant tell you how glad I am to have that off my chest.Yeah, wellHang on. She held up a finger and hit the power dismissal on her phone.Calling your mom to tell her she was right about your being a tramp?Im calling the kid.Abby?Yeah. I need to tell her to stay away from our place. Elijah is going to start messing with us like before.Jody watched as the little icons on her phone showed that it was searching for a signal. But she said she wasnt coming by tonight. Its Christmas.I know she said that, but I think she may come b y anyway.Why?Well, she has a thing for me, I think. I bit her last night.You bit Abby?Yeah. I told you, I was hurt. I needed God, youre such a blood slut.I knew youd be mad.Well, its Abby, for fucks sake. Im her dark lord.Look, a voice mail.Elijah Ben Sapir cast the twitching, pee-spraying alcoholic across the street, where he bounced off the metal garage door of the foundry and back out to the curb, where his head knocked the side mirror off an illegally parked Mazda.Then the vampire walked with exaggerated steps, his arms held out from his sides like a bad dress monster to try to keep the urine-sotted velour fabric of his tracksuit from contacting his skin. Although he had go through all manner of filth and gore in his eight hundred years, and had, in fact, spent whole days hiding naked under loamy soil to escape the sun, he didnt remember being instead so put off as he was at being pissed on by his lunch. Perhaps it was that he only had one set of clothes now, and there was n o luxurious yacht with a full wardrobe to retire to, or perhaps it was that he had spent the day between two urine-stained mattresses under an unconscious junkie while police searched the hotel around him. Hed just hit his limit, thats all.Hed known the desk clerk would give him up to the police, so as soon as he had gone to his room, the vampire had hidden his tracksuit in the corner of the closet, gone to mist, then slipped under the door into the next room and in between the mattress and box springs of a semiconscious junkie. Hed gone back to solid just as first light put him out for the day.At sundown, he was surprised at how stimulate he was to find the tracksuit still in the closet, after he fed off the junkie (just a sip) and snapped his neck. (Leaving more or less a greeting card to the homicide inspectors who had attacked him with the others at the yacht club.) Now his precious tracksuit was all covered in whiz and he was furious.He stalked over to where hed thrown the bu m and snatched him up by the ankle. Elijah was not tall by modern standards, but he found that if he held the bums ankle high above his head, he could shake him sufficiently to get the job done.Youre not even her minion, are you? Elijah banged the bums head against the sidewalk to punctuate his question.Please, said the bum. My huge cat Thud, thud, thud on the sidewalk. A little shake. Change, a few bills, a lighter, and a bottle of Johnny Walker rained out of the bums pockets.Youre just her little emit cow, arent you? I tasted her on you.Theres a kid, said the moo cow. A spooky little girl. She takes care of them.Them?Elijah flung the bum against the garage and proceeded to select up the change and the bills on the sidewalk. The steel door next to the garage door opened and a burly bald man in overalls stepped out on the sidewalk, smacking a lead-tipped tire thumper on his palm. You motherfuckers making enough noise out here?Elijah bared his fangs and hissed at the biker, then l eapt to the wall over the garage door and clung there, facedown, above the bikers head.The biker looked up at the vampire, down at the prostrate bum, then at the damaged Mazda. Well, okay then, he said. I can see you fellas still have some shit to work out. He slipped back into the foundry and slammed the door.Elijah dropped to his feet and headed up the street, not even bothering to stop to snap the moo cows neck. How could he have been so stupid? He wasnt going to terrorize her by killing a food source. He needed to threaten her minion, just as he had with the boy. How could he have known that shed actually betray him and choose the boy? Turn the boy? It wouldnt happen again.Amid all the anger, the hunger, and the excitement at having a purpose, Elijah Ben Sapir felt a twinge of heartache. He had begun this adventure thinking himself the tool master now he was all entangled in the strings. reservation mistakes.No worry. He cocked his head and focused. Past the rasping breath of the moo cow, the buildings settling, the Bay Bridge humming, and a thousand hearts beating in the lofts around him, he could hear the retreating steps of the little girl and her friend.